Core Needs
Communication

A language creating understanding, connection, & growth with every conversation

What does CNC do?

If you’ve ever had concerns like

  • “How do I say what I want without seeming greedy or demanding?”
  • “How can I share my opinion without upsetting anyone?”
  • “How do I bring up a touchy or sensitive subject?”
  • “How can I handle anger better?”
  • “How do I talk about feelings?”

The way CNC helps with these (and more) is the language itself is structured to highlight the triggers of people’s behaviours & words, their emotions and needs, and to connect with them at this level

Within Yourself

Manage emotions, motivation, and fulfillment, through understanding yourself, your values & goals, and creating the ways to fulfill and achieve them

In Relationships

Understand & empathize with each other more comfortably, and be more open to sharing and figuring things out together, ending up happier

In Business

Get conflicts resolved more productively, so that teams, clients, and partners grow more trust, confidence, and resilience with each other

How does it work?

CNC is spoken at its most fundamental level by expressing Situations, which are composed of 3 parts:

  • Clean Observations
  • Pure Emotions
  • Core Needs

For example

Imagine you’re in a group, some are friends, some are new people, and you hear one of the new people say to your friend “Your friends are lame”.

How would you feel? Because what do you need?

For your side

After I heard “Your friends are lame” I was feeling angry , because I need understanding, and want others to accept my friends

For their side

Maybe when they heard our idea, it wasn’t what they were hoping for, and felt frustrated, because they need to have connection around the things they enjoy

Clean Observations

A Clean Observation is a direct sensory experience, something you literally saw with your eyes, heard with your ears, felt with your body, smelt with your nose, or tasted with your mouth

(Unclear expressions with non-observations)

  • “I saw him steal the phone”
  • “I heard you insult me”
  • “He pushed me”
  • “There was a disgusting smell”
  • “It tasted like heaven

(Clearer expressions with Clean Observations)

  • “I saw him put the phone into his pocket
  • “I heard you say ‘That’s dumb’
  • “I felt pressure on my arm, and saw him
  • “I smelt cheddar cheese
  • “I tasted strawberry

Non-observations can be vague, subjective, and interpreted in different ways than you intend.

Clean Observations are more objective, shared points of reference people can more easily agree on

Pure Emotions

A Pure Emotion is an internal mental state that creates unpleasant or pleasant physical feelings in the body

There are 2 types:

Suffering

  • Anger
  • Fear
  • Sadness

Fulfillment

  • Comfort
  • Happiness
  • Excitement

(Unclear expressions with non-emotions)

  • “I feel cheated on”
  • “I feel like you’re ignoring me”
  • “I feel unloved by you”

(Clearer expressions with Pure Emotions)

  • “I’m worried”
  • “I’m feeling frustrated”
  • “I’m sad”

Non-emotions can contain presumptions that imply “wrongness” and trigger defensiveness.

Pure Emotions are clean, so it’s easier for people to hear them comfortably and empathize with them

Core Needs

A Core Need is a top-level value that all people share

There are 3 categories:

Freedom

  • Making decisions for yourself
  • Being able to do what you want
  • Knowing things will be okay

Connection

  • Being recognized & understood
  • Relating to someone
  • Having a bond or “something special”

Growth

  • Building & creating
  • Improving skills & capabilities
  • Learning & sharing knowledge

(Unclear expressions with non-needs)

  • “I need to smack him”
  • “I need him to calm down”
  • “I need to leave this situation”

(Clearer expressions with Core Needs)

  • “I need peace”
  • “I need understanding”
  • “I need to know I’ll be okay”

Non-needs can create violent beliefs and tunnel vision on unfulfilling and unnecessary things.

Core Needs are shared values people can easily connect with and use to elevate their perspective

Is that it?

There’s way more. Everything above is just the beginning of The Fundamentals.

However, even just The Fundamentals already has been seen to make a huge difference for how people feel, think, and speak to themselves and with others in romance, family, friendships, work, and more.

The more familiar you get with CNC, the more your comfort and confidence grows when you want to

  • Express your opinions & desires in ways others can more easily understand & accept
  • Respond to uncomfortable requests or behaviours (saying “no”) effectively
  • Catch anger or fear in the moment, and clear it up before reacting
  • And many others

As a bonus, here’s a story:

“Freddie” is a guy who has been terrified of speaking to people for a long time. But, he found Core Needs Communication, and when he started learning it, began to overcome his fears, and talk to people more easily. Then, to my (Sabian’s) surprise, he invited me to a social meetup he was planning to attend, where he would be talking with many people. I was amazed, because he could barely talk to one person before, but now he’s going out to social events and is excited to meet new people. I was excited for him.

When we arrived, “Freddie” and I started talking with a girl, “Carly”, and within 5 minutes of starting our conversation, she decided to share her stories with us, frustrations she had about her family, past relationships, and more, and it was very deeply personal for her.

But 15 minutes in, she stopped herself and said “Wait. Why am I telling you this? I only tell this to certain people”.

That’s when I said “Maybe you’re just comfortable and feel heard”.

She said “Yeah!”.

Then, I say “Do you know why you’re so comfortable? It’s probably because we speak a language called Core Needs Communication”.

And she was hooked. She started coming to our weekly in-person CNC Practice events. But, then 2 weeks later, another thing happened: “Carly” and “Freddie” started dating.

I was laughing with excitement, because this wasn’t the intention, but them dating fulfills 2 out of the 3 parts of Ugeddit’s purpose: making difficult conversations easier, and growing happy relationships.

As of today (July 15th, 2025), “Carly” and “Freddie” have been speaking CNC during frustrating moments to clear them up and create understanding, and also during happy moments, to connect deeper on why those moments are happy for them, and what they mean for them.

I love seeing things like this, and I’m always looking forward to what else they and others can overcome and grow together.

And, here are some candid messages people sent in the community with no expectation or preparation that they would be shared publicly, but ones they gave permission to share afterwards:

I really enjoyed the workshop ... and found it so valuable to share and hear everyone's experiences. It felt like such a safe space to be vulnerable about those kinds of concerns. ... There's something special about workshops like this where you can meet people and have such meaningful conversations right away. I'm grateful for the experience and for your thoughtful facilitation.
The way you held space for everyone's perspectives and created such a safe environment for sharing was truly remarkable. Your genuine appreciation for each person's contribution made me feel seen and valued in a way that doesn't happen often. I found myself with a wealth of food for thought after our session. Listening to everyone share their understanding of love was profound, and I realized that my own perspective on love had evolved throughout our conversation. That kind of growth doesn't often occur in many spaces, and I'm grateful that you created one where it could flourish.

How can I get started?

In addition to practising The Fundamentals above, you also can…

Community-supported learning

Online practice events

Free resources

Talks, seminars, workshops

Programs, retreats

Interventions